I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
