my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
