Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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