do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
