We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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