BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
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Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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