I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
