I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
