i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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