For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
