I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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