the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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