I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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