Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
