fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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