i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
