He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
