he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
