He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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