Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
