Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
