yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
