guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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