I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
