So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
