Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
