One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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