can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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