At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
