her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
