So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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