Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
