So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So many bounce houses so little time
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
