I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
