First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
