Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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