he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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