Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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