Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
