WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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