There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
