She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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