I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
