Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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