Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
