He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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