just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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