Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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