the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
