Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
