I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
