so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
