If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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