Betty ford says i'm here all night
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
