I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
