im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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