can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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