come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
