If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
