I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
