I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can vaginas get frostbite?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
