I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
