when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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