I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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